ANN Tamashii no Radio - Love & Sex Clinic: Part 3
Chii Oji-chan’s (Little Uncle) Fukuyama Clinic
Resolving patients’ problems everyday, bringing out their true feelings from deep inside and presenting a sensible way forward for each instance, curing with kindness and occasionally speaking frankly, this is our Clinic Chief Fukuyama-san. Patients look for his advice ceaselessly day and night. And the Chief had said he wanted to get a more solid understanding of our patients’ predicament. So he picked up the phone, that had been sadly unused for a long time, and proceeded to explore the root of their illnesses.
[Case No. 8]
“I tried on my first ever bikini a while back. But everybody around me has just got such a wonderful figure, I have no confidence in my appearance at all….What does Masha think? How big should the breasts be before we can be allowed to put on bikinis?” (Kanagawa Prefecture, Mayu-san 14 years old)
F: “How cute is that….Mayu-chan. But for me unfortunately, I’ve only ever seen bikinis in magazines.”
S: “Me too. I was a grown-up already when I went with my girlfriend to the swimming pool for the first time, but she wasn’t wearing a bikini either.”
And so, it came to be known how our dear monarch was more or less lacking in actual experience in this area…..
But the knowledge he has since acquired from magazines has made up well for it. And because of his extensive observation in bikinis, his knowledge here is no small matter indeed.
F: “How tall is Mayu-chan?”
F: “You should look very smart! Really smart! And what cup size are you?”
M: “B cup.”
F: “14 years old, 164 cm, B cup…..that’s enough! It’s a very good figure already. And what did your bikini look like?”
M: “It’s red and gold and white and blue.”
F: “……the US Stars and Stripes flag? (laugh) That’s not bad, eh? With that height, a Stars and Stripes flag bikini should suit you well, shouldn’t it?”
S: “It’s not the Stars and Stripes flag, dude.”
The children nowadays are so tall…..Fukuyama-san looked very impressed. It’s true that with the change in eating culture and lifestyle, Heisei (平成) children* generally seem to have rather good figures. So Fukuyama-san suggested:
F: “When you grow up, you should become a model.”
Such was his advice. But after Fukuyama-san asked the question “If you had to choose an entertainer, who do people usually say you look like?”, the atmosphere seemed to turn a tinge icy….
M: “I’m been told I look a lot like Haruna-san of Harisenbon (ハリセンボン)**
F: “Wait! Which one is Haruna-san?”
M: “The one who looks like Takuzowu Kadono (角野卓造)”
(Takuzowu Kadono is a 60-year old male actor who is a bit chubby.)
So the phone conversation with Mayu-san who wanted to have more confidence in wearing a bikini (!) ended there. And they decided to take another patient call.
[Case No. 9]
“For someone who has never had a boyfriend, something happened to me last summer. He was a working man whom I met in a singles gathering. Because of a chance meeting, we went out for dinner together once, and he gave me a kiss. We decided to make dinner together at his place a week later. On the one hand, I was thinking ‘We’re probably going to make out….’ and on the other, I believed ‘He wouldn’t be thinking of these things.’
But the moment we reached his house, he stuck his hand on my lower body. Although I did push him away a few times, but I almost ended up giving in too. Then he reprimanded me ‘You shouldn’t be totally uninterested in these things, right? Say when you were in elementary school, you wouldn’t think beer is tasty, but you would now. H is a psychological state of comfort.’ I just cannot believe in a relationship which began with H. Are working men mostly like that?” (Kanagawa Prefecture, Yuubon 20 years old)
F: “Well…well……isn’t it a bit like the mid-day soaps, all non-alcoholic?”
Even though Chief Fukuyama was teasing as he was listening, but on hearing the scolding,
F: “Loser! What a loser!” looking absolutely furious.
And when it was time to “speak frankly”, he said
F: “Can I speak frankly? This type of working men……is everywhere. But very few would strike back like him. Yuubon-chan is not a very strong person……no, rather, it doesn’t matter whether you are strong or weak! As long as you can love that person from the bottom of your heart, then it’s OK. Perhaps you don’t like him all that much yet. So don’t worry about it.”
In the end, it’s what you feel in your heart that matters. Generally, whether you are strong-minded or not…makes no difference at all!! Because you are the only person who can decide which path you should take. Please listen to your instincts (^^)y
[Case No. 10]
“There is someone I like very much now. He is my childhood friend. This past spring, I confessed my feelings to him, but he said, ‘Although I like you very much, but we’re going to different high schools now, so I’m sorry.’ But he’s still asking me to hang out with him a lot, just the two of us. I simply cannot give up on him. Is there no way we can become a couple? (Ishikawa prefecture, Yumika 15 years old)
F: “He likes you, eh? That’s his thing. In the opinion of this filthy-minded and lecherous person who was nicknamed the evil Demon King Piccolo (ピッコロ大魔王, Dragonball) of Nagasaki, he’s in a very comfortable situation now. He’s very relaxed indeed. At this moment, if you look at relative predominance, he certainly has the edge over you. Although Yumika-chan is always worrying about what he is thinking, all he knows is ‘Yumika likes me’. As simple as that, and this gives him that self-centered ego that ‘I’m calling the shots.’”
Y: “But from my standpoint, if I won’t do, then I hope he tells me directly.”
F: “I don’t think he will say it……in fact…perhaps eventually, he’ll kiss you.”
Y: “I don’t think he will.”
F: “I think he will. He won’t say it out directly, but he’ll do it nonetheless.”
Unintentionally revealing the filthy side of the adult world, our Chief Doctor Fukuyama recollected his thoughts and asked Yumika-chan what she thought of the situation now.
Y: “If he really likes me, we can still be together even in different high schools.”
F: “That’s correct. If there is real love, even astronauts could be together. Men can really be cunning creatures, they don’t want to break up and they don’t want to hurt their partners. But his so-called kindness has become a burden for Yumika-chan instead. Why don’t you cut your ties then? And if he still insists on seeing each other, that proves there is more or less something between the two of you.”
S: “And after breaking up, he’ll want to pursue you, there’s also this mentality too, right?”
F: “Perhaps he’ll finally realize the fact that Yumika-chan is the most important.”
In other words, if you can’t push it, try pulling! The classic strategy in love☆ This could be surprisingly useful.
“It’s not that I don’t like you! I just don’t want to hurt you!” Such is the typical statement of a faux bonhomme, so female listeners should bear this in mind. With 40 years of strolling down the beaches of love & sex, and perhaps a bit more practice than our listeners, our Clinic Chief Fukuyama is always giving advice based on his hands-on experiences. We hope it could be of some help to you.
The Chief will continue to open his Fukuyama Clinic in the TamaRadi kingdom. If ever you feel troubled and helpless, try and remember what the Chief has said. And if it still doesn’t work, please write to us any time! The staff of Fukuyama Clinic wish all the citizens of the TamaRadi kingdom a happy summer in 2009!
~ Extract from ANN TamaRadi blog 2009.07.29 ~
* Heisei is the period of the current Emperor (starting from 1989 todate)
** Haruna Kondo - she’s the chubby one of Harisenbon
Translated from sunnydolphin’s blog with permission
Original blog posted on ANN TamaRadi Blog 2009-07-29
This English translation was first posted on MashaPlus [dot] Info Forums. (Registration required to enter.)