Zankyo 残響 - A collection of Masha’s thoughts on his hometown Nagasaki (7)
ANN Tamashii no Radio Live:
Next, I’m going to talk about a personal matter, and it’s all true. “The Great Offering of Love - Fukuyama Masaharu style” (starts to sing Christmas carols) (laugh). Hey this is a good take (referring to his carol singing), but I have to stop in the middle, I can’t go on because I only know those lines.
(starts reading a letter from a ‘listener’)
A letter from Nagasaki, Fukuyama Masaharu, 37 years old, Male, contract staff.
This is a memory of me and my girlfriend at the time when I was still in High School in Nagasaki.
My guitar playing wasn’t all that good then, but I was already dreaming that one day I could be a musician. My friends and I formed a band. Performing with other bands in the rural live houses in Nagasaki, we had to pick up our share of the tickets. The venue cost ¥100,000, split equally amongst 5 bands, our portion was ¥20,000. With 4 members, each of us was responsible for bringing in ¥5,000, one ticket costing ¥400-500.
I also asked my girlfriend at that time to help me sell some tickets. Handing her a few, I said: “Could you help me sell these to your friends?” She silently took the tickets and sold them out. Since she was able to do it, I gradually gave her more and more, one… two… three…four…five tickets…. In the end, I relied on her to take care of my entire share. And she would always accept them without question. I hand her the tickets - she sells them - her friends come to the concert - such an easy simple method. To a simple juvenile musician like me, I put no further thought to it.
Until one day, one of my male friends said, out of the blue:
“Hey Masha, do you know? Your girlfriend……she’s been paying for all those tickets herself!”
It was true. All the tickets I gave her, she couldn’t sell a single one. So she ended up shelling out for all of them, and then asking her friends to come for free.
My heart broke when I knew how she’d sacrificed for me, but at the same time, I lost my temper at her:
“Why did you do that? I didn’t give you the tickets for you to do something like that!”
I wanted to be understanding with her selflessness, but in the end, I didn’t utter a single word of gratitude to her, all I did was…..all I did was to vent my anger out on her.
Wordlessly looking at me as I blew my top, she started to cry.
From that day onwards, I did not ask her to help with the tickets anymore. I tried my best to sell them out myself, without relying on her. From that day onwards, upto the present day almost 20 years later, the 37-year old Fukuyama Masaharu has not asked any woman to do anything for me again….whether to help me or to share expenses…not one.
That day, instead of expressing my gratitude, I lost my temper at her. That day, looking at how she silently took my anger in her tears, I can no longer ask for help from a woman that easily, even upto now. I have to depend on myself in this city, I must try my hardest.
This is the story. Have I mentioned it before? No?!
I was dreadful! (laugh) I really blew my top! If my girlfriend helps me sell 100,000 CDs now, I would definitely thank her. And give her a big hug…. (laugh) No, I wouldn’t do that (laugh).
I believe I was able to understand her consideration at that time, but I just couldn’t get a hold of my pride. I was just a big kid…….I can still remember this incident well. That’s why I wouldn’t ask anyone to do things for me if I can help it now, it’s true. Perhaps some men would even ask for more. How can that be right? I wouldn’t be able to do it! But she’s really very thoughtful, and only just a high school girl. Where did she get the money? I’m guessing it was through part-time work? I didn’t ask her then……..uhh…….
Our letter this time did not give out such a warm feeling as our listeners’ letters before. I’m sorry! (laugh) Why did I want to talk about my own horridness, especially during this Christmastime? Why….? Oh, I’m so sorry. (laugh)
~ Extract from ANN Tamashii no Radio (2006.12.17) ~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It’s Just that I’ve Changed
Music: Tsugutoshi Goto Lyrics: Fukuyama Masaharu
Our weekends are always busy, yet we find time to meet
Waving as you run over to me when you’re late, I love to see you do that
It’s just that I’ve changed and I haven’t told anyone
I’ve set my aspirations and to reach them, I must start running
I can’t stay here anymore, I have chosen my path
It would tear us far apart, that is true
But in my heart, there’s a dream, a fire that’s burning
I want to try it, even if for an instant
Walking along the stone steps, I hold your hand
Joking as we climb up the slope to the hilltop park
There, you were searching for my heart
And I, I was searching for the map to my future
If we could just keep things unchanged, if we could be together
There is nothing better than that, you understand what I’m saying,
But I cannot stop my true feelings
Let us end everything today, let us start afresh today
They’ve turned dark brown now, those pages of my diary
As we flip through them, we gradually grow up.
If we could just keep things unchanged, if we could be together
There is nothing better than that, you understand what I mean
I’m so glad to have met you, I mean it even now
The last scene of the old movie that made us laugh that day, I can see it in my mind.
ただ僕がかわった (Tada Boku ga Kawatta)
作詩：福山雅治 作曲：後藤次利
週末はいつも忙しさを くぐり抜けて会っていたね
遅れて手を振り駆け寄る君 見つめながら好きだと思う
ただ僕がかわった 誰にも言わず
決めた願い果たすため 走り出そうと
この場所にとどまれずに 選んだ道が
２人の間 遠ざけて行く それは本当さ
だけどこの胸の中に 燃やし尽くしたい
想いがあるよ たとえその時 一瞬の光でも
石畳の道歩きながら 君の手を握りしめてる
丘の上にある公園まで ふざけあった坂道登る
そこで君は僕の心探して
そして僕は 未来への地図を探してた
もしもずっとこのままで 一緒にいれたら
それがいちばんいいことだよね わかっているよね
だけど止められないんだ 本当の気持ちは
今日ですべてを終りにしよう 今日からすべてが始まる
セピア色に変わる 日記のページ
めくりながら 誰もが大人になっていく
もしもずっとこのままで 一緒にいれたら
それがいちばんいいことだよね わかっているよね
だけど出逢えてよかった そう思える”今”
あの日笑った古い映画の”ラストシーン” 目に浮かぶ
Izumi’s Comments
At 40, Masha seems to have been feeling rather sentimental lately.
In his new song 「18 eighteen」, he sings about leaving Nagasaki and saying goodbye to his girlfriend (the same one as the tickets incident) at the train station. We shall be translating the lyrics of this song once the new album 「残響」 (Zankyo) comes out on 30 June. The song above 「ただ僕がかわった」 (Tada Boku ga Kawatta) is an old one written in 1991, to the same girlfriend whom he had to leave behind in Nagasaki.
Translated from Fukuyama Honne (Articles 353 & 59)
This English translation was first posted on MashaPlus [dot] Info Forums. (Registration required to enter.)
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